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Anatta: A Practical Approach

Article
Tom Pedulla
Fall 1999

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Like many practitioners, I have al­ways found the teachings about anattā—or selflessness—hard to fathom. And the experience of anattā has always seemed elusive to me. (If there’s no self, then who’s writing this sentence?) So last fall, when I saw that Narayan Liebenson Grady’s “old yo­gis” practice group at CIMC was about to take on the subject, I was intrigued.

The group, which has been meeting since 1994, is for people who have been practicing for three years or more, and who have some retreat experience along with a daily practice. Each weekly meeting includes meditation practice and discussion, either with the entire group or in small groups. And the discussion is usually about the pre­vious week’s “homework.” These homework assignments are a key com­ponent of the curriculum.

Under Narayan’s guidance, the group has examined a variety of Bud­dhist teachings, including the Ten Paramis, the Noble Eight-Fold Path, the Four Foundations of Mindfulness, and the Four Brahma Vihāras. And as a more-or-less regular attendee, I’ve ben­efited from most of them. But what about anattā? Unlike these other top­ics, there’s no list associated with anattā, no built-in structure. Where would Narayan go with it? How could we spend a whole year on it? I was ea­ger to find out.

What I came to see during the course of the year was that anattā is not quite as mysterious as I had imagined it to be. Narayan’s talks and homework as­signments encouraged us to experience self/selflessness in practical terms, in the context of our daily lives—not as a lofty, esoteric teaching reserved for the meditation hall. For example, one as­signment was to notice how often we compare ourselves to others, especially at work and in our families. Doing this exercise let me see how my sense of self is constantly shifting. First I’d be “bet­ter than,” then “worse than,” then “equal to.” Then back to “worse than.” But if the self were really so solid, how could I hold such differing and often contradictory views of it? Another related assignment was to be aware of the many ways we think of ourselves—”I am an anxious person,” “I am an an­gry person,” “I am a good person,” “I am a bad person”—and to see how these thoughts and self-images change from day to day, or even from moment to moment.

So do I fully under­stand anattā? Not by a long shot. But it does seem more accessible than it did a year ago.

By bringing these assignments to mind at least from time to time during the day, I was able to get a clearer sense of how fluid the self is. In the process, I also realized that anattā is really noth­ing special, that our various “selves” are continuously arising and passing away, and that in any given day, we have moments of anattā and moments of “selfing.” At the same time, I could feel the burden of self, and see how clinging to any sense of self—even a highly positive one—leads only to suf­fering. Of course, whatever insights I may have had were reinforced by shar­ing them with the group and by listen­ing to others’ experiences—as well as to Narayan’s comments and feedback.

So do I fully understand anattā? Not by a long shot. But it does seem more accessible than it did a year ago. In fact, participating in the class has helped me see that it’s not something to be attained in the distant future. It’s right here, all the time. And fortunately, the topic has proven to be such a rich one that the “old yogis,” along with Narayan, will be exploring it for another year.

This article is one of a series of occasional submissions by long-term practitioners at Cambridge Insight Meditation Center. The purpose of this series is to highlight the on­going practice sessions at CIMC and how these sessions are bringing new understand­ing and clarification to those enrolled in those sessions. These submissions have been approved by the guiding teachers at CIMC.

If you found this article helpful, please consider supporting the work of BCBS.

Insight Journal

Fall 1999

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In this volume:

Seeing the Truth of Freedom

By Sharda Rogell

Interview

Do We Really Believe in Impermanence?

By Carol Wilson

Article

Anatta: A Practical Approach

By Tom Pedulla

Article

The Context of Impermanence

By Andrew Olendzki

Article

The Thorn in Your Heart (Selections from the Attadaṇḍa Sutta)

By Andrew Olendzki

Sutta Study

Like Moths to the Flame (Udāna 6.9)

By Andrew Olendzki

Poem

 

All issues:

See all Insight Journal issues

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  • Home
  • About Us
    • New and Notable
    • COVID-19 Safety Protocols
    • Mission and Values
    • Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion
    • Board of Directors
    • IMS
    • Staff
    • Job Openings
    • Getting to BCBS
    • Mailing List
    • Contact Us
  • Onsite Programs
    • Current Course Calendar
    • Everything You Need to Know About Residential Programs
    • Typical Residential Schedule
    • Continuing Education Credits
    • Financial Assistance
    • Teacher Dāna
  • Online Programs
    • Upcoming Programs
    • Wisdom Collaborations
    • Previously Offered Programs
    • Cancellation Policy
  • Path Programs
  • Teaching Faculty
  • Resources
    • Insight Journal
    • Bhikkhu Anālayo’s Offerings
    • The Daily Sit
    • Freely Offered Dharma
      • Events
      • Courses
    • BCBS Publishing
    • BCBS Bookstore
    • Access to Insight
    • Dharma Seed
  • Generosity
    • Donate
    • Recurring Donations
    • Planned Giving
    • Other Ways of Giving
    • Teacher Dāna
    • Volunteer